It took a long time for me to find the courage to start the journey towards becoming me. I didn’t even realise that I hadn’t fully embraced who I am and that I had kept so much of myself buried under a mask of who I thought I was expected to be.
From an early age we are taught to conform to the expectations of our parents, our teachers and our friends. Towing the line is rewarded whilst any kind of expression away from the norm is either punished or ridiculed and so we learn to bury the parts of ourselves that do not fit in with conventional society deep within us but that side of ourselves, the truth about who we really are, can’t stay buried forever – not if we truly want to be at peace with ourselves and with each other.
Quitting my 12 year career as a stock broker was the biggest hurdle I had to get past. I knew that it was making me miserable and adding to my health problems yet it was who I was – I had allowed this job to define me. Who was I if i didn’t have large amounts of income coming in and an impressive title?
This fear is exactly what keeps all of us from discovering our true selves and our true potential. All the expensive clothes, fast cars and fast living no longer mean anything once you have turned your back on the rat race. The stress and pressure of long hours and high performance expectations lead us to need that expensive holiday to relax on, the luxurious home to come back and feel good in and feeds the compulsion to go out night after night, weekend after weekend and annihilate ourselves with drugs and alcohol in a bid to hide from the darkness that most of us don’t even realise is growing inside of us.
This blog is the story of the start of my journey towards enlightenment – the highs and the lows, the light and the darkness but never a dull day and never an inkling of regret to a life that used to be – a life that, in hindsight, was a charade of madness but a wonderful and special part of my journey none the less.